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This year signifies a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the concept that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the phrases this generation is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal quirks signaling a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your choice to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly shut down any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful act.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {